Shelby Placke
Mrs. Boresen
Expository Writing
Winter Break Narative
1/13/09
New Year’s Eve
Over Winter Break, I had several wonderful experiences. I went to Nebraska with my family for Christmas, hung out with relatives, went swimming, and much more. The one event that stood out as the most profound to me was my New Year’s Eve. That night was filled with new experiences and wonderful memories that I will never forget. It was consumed with brightly lit fireworks, colorful city lights, laughing, and most importantly, my amazing boyfriend.
My fun-filled adventure began in the early evening of December 31. Nick, my boyfriend, came to my house to pick me up for the evening. We then went with his parents to Denver to start off the night. First, we decided to go and eat dinner. Nick’s family and I went to Chile’s, and luckily got a seat right away (even though the place was completely packed). People everywhere surrounded not only the little restaurant we were in, but the streets as well. You see, Denver was a crowded, hectic place to be at on New Year’s Eve because of the fireworks. Many people came to the city to watch the sky become lit up by a beautiful firework display at midnight. After our dinner, the much anticipated firework show was about to begin.
Nick and I decided to watch the show from the heights of his parents’ office. They work on the 50th floor of one of the major skyscrapers in Denver, so we were going to see the lights at almost eyelevel. Nick found a perfect view of the city by sitting on the ledge near one tall window. I decided to join him and sat closely next to his side. It was such an amazing feeling to be able to spend this event right by my boyfriend. Spending the night with someone you deeply care about made the fireworks even more special. Once the firework show began, I was hypnotized by their dazzling lights. I watched the beautiful colors shoot up into the sky like rainbows of the night. It was beautiful and relaxing all at the same time. I was filled with comfort and joy as the New Year was brought in by the lights. Knowing that I was starting yet another year with my boyfriend was another perfect feeling in itself. Once the lights faded dim, it was time to end the night and go home.
New Year’s Eve was obviously a very amazing experience to me. Firework display’s occur every year on Independence Day, and yet, they feel more special and significant on New Year’s. This was an exciting experience for me that would not have been complete without Nick being there to share it with. Bringing in the New Year with each other made me hope for yet another great year together to come, and hopefully another firework show to look forward to.
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I liked your introduction, but really try to focus on writing amzaing hooks.
ReplyDeleteI like how you used transitions, we'll focus on using more advanced transitions.
Scored a 3.5 for Audience and Purpose. Could have used mor advanced word choice and vary sentence structure.
Scored a 4 for Format
Total Score for paper 45/50 90%
Good work!
I really liked your paper because you were able to add really good description. You had my attention from the beginning. My favorite part was when you were describing the fireworks. I noticed that next time you could write a more explosive hook. Other than that i really enjoyed your paper.
ReplyDeleteThis was the best essay I think I have ever read to tell you the truth. I liked everything about it. Just like Zach said, you had my attention from the beginning. I loved your word choice, fireworks, and talking about how you spent the time with your boyfriend(how romantic). Overall, I enjoyed reading your essay and look forward to reading one of yours again:)
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